Lately, it hasn't been great.
Well, not really downright abject, but things could be better. So there I was managing my self-pity, when Ambie, a good friend, a great printmaker and my MFA Adviser just set me aside and told me something so basic that it is stupid of me to have forgotten about it:
"You're supposed to have fun."
All these deadlines and obligations can take its toll. Not just with the stresses on the body, but you tend to forget "old feelings." I try to remember the joy when I see a blank page and I had a pencil in my hand as I drew imaginary maps as a kid. I try to remember how it is to just draw and enjoy it.
I remember one classmate of mine mentioned that he found it difficult to write fiction because "theory gets in the way." He said theory ruined it for him. I think my case is not that drastic. I think theory helps me become a better, more rigorous artist. If only I can balance a sense of play with a sense of context and purpose, then maybe I can fend off the blues or perceived blockage.
It took a new perspective with something from that "old feeling." Becoming giddy is easy, the point is to translate this sense of joy and purpose to a protracted sense of duty and get through the job.