I was chatting with a friend and she was sad because her friend committed suicide. She told me that I should be strong because suicide affects everybody that you know.
I remember having a conversation with this guy who was utterly depressed and he asked me if I had suicidal thoughts. I said, "I would imagine my death to be fabulous...like being shot while I am wearing an Alexander McQueen suit that finally fits me. Is that suicidal?" I was joking to make him laugh.
He smiled. I told him "I understand why people commit suicide. It must be really hard for them to go on thinking that nobody is there for them. i imagine the hopelessness they might feel to think nothing will change. If I do kill myself now, I am getting rid for myself the opportunity to meet some cool people."
I had dark moments but I did not shake those off. They are still very much part of me. One of the best experiences I had in a class was an anthropology class under Chancellor Michael Tan. He was talking about a Buddhist ritual from the Himalayas about feeding your monsters.
I won't do justice here with an FB post but I recall that you are in a room with two chairs. You sit on one chair and you visualize the monster sitting on the other. Some rituals vary. Once you visualize your monster you feed it to befriend it. Then once you "sufficiently" fed it, you stand up and you sit on that chair, thereby embodying the monster itself. This ritual helps you understand your monsters, to befriend them, to feed them not to strengthen them but to connect with them and not let them overwhelm you.
Oh man, when Chancy Tan discussed those, I looked outside the window because I don't want him to see that I shed some tears. First time in my life to cry inside a classroom and I never cry in front of anybody. I had to do some heavy breathing so to control those tears.
I also read in another Buddhist ritual, this time, in Japan, wherein you draw your monsters. If you draw them, then you control them. I guess I am fortunate to be a cartoonist because I exorcise my monsters onto the strips, onto paper.
I am not an expert on mental health, but I imagine hopelessness has a weight to it. So does grief. so does resentment. That weight will stop you from moving. But the question is for how long?
Marx and Engels wrote about alienation and that has been a prevalent affliction in our times. Of course, Marx and Engles propose a solution for that but hear them out. Perhaps "direct action" is really what we need when we get the blues. I don't know. Maybe this is why many of us are addicted to social media, not just to "show off" but to retain a "semblance" (as opposed to actual) connection. It has become a crutch...and that is ok as long as it helps you get your bearings back.
But if you are sad and need somebody to chat with and if it so happens I am online and awake, just send me a message. Who knows? I can probably make you laugh? Lord knows I pester a select number of friends when I get the downward spirals.